Who is to blame?

I often wonder what really goes on in a person when another is judging them. What is it all about? We have all been judged and we have all been hurt by judgement and the gross lack of compassion that almost always is at the heart of it. What happened to the old values of kindness, compassion and mercy? Did it all die with Mother Theresa? What I have learned is that which is too forcefully sold is always opposite of Truth. I have met so many who put on the show with their hugs and pretense of love but underlying it is nothing of the sort; more often than not it's the exact opposite. Genuine love is unmistakeable and impossible to miss. So why try to pretend? Because others expect it of you. Because others claim that giving people big old hugs and talking at them with a soft voice is the way to show that you love them. But is it love if it comes with such exacting rules? Is it love if it comes from a place that demands such behaviour of a person? Is it really love?

What happens to you when you feel safe enough to share freely and openly that which you have learned, studied, felt and experienced but the response that returns is, "You talk too much!" or "You are so annoying!" or... So many examples come to mind! Well, firstly the joy and love you felt while you were sharing disappears. Then you wonder, "What did I do wrong?" or "What is wrong with me?" or ...Again, so many examples come to mind. Slowly, as you reexamine every single breath you have taken, every single word you have spoken, every single act you have committed, you come to the conclusion that you did nothing wrong!! Especially if you were sharing what you love the most. Now, should you approach those who would judge you, many on the 'spiritual' path will then turn the tables on you saying, "Well, I would not have felt that way if you didn't vibrate that way. It's the Law of Attraction!" So basically, the message is "It's your fault that you annoy me or 'make' me feel like you talk too much". That smacks of spiritual bullying, especially when spiritual texts are used to justify any behaviour.

So, what happens inside the heart of the individual who goes through this? Until, that person comes to the conclusion that they are worthy of love, that they are beautiful and deserving as they are, they will be crushed. But think of this if you have ever been there: when you shared freely from your heart you were operating on the assumption that you were in the company of those that loved you. They may have said so, or hugged you and pretended that you were so wonderful, but it was not Truth. Hence, you opened your heart to someone whose heart was not open to yours. That's what hurts! The judgements they pass on you as they talk behind your back, or even to your face, would not be so if they truly loved you and accepted you as you are.

So, here's what you must say: take me as I AM, I'm yours to love and respect! AS I AM! Anything that annoys you is all yours, it's your issue! Look within your own heart and find the Truth behind that annoyance and don't look for the external source!! Stop pretending, stop acting and start being the real you! If the real you feels anger, express it! If the real you feels frustration, express it!! Go deep within and find the true source of those emotions! Those are human emotions that are fully compatible with living a spiritual life but pretending to love is a sure way to never feel real love in your heart! Looking outside yourself for that which causes you to feel anger, annoyance, frustration or whatever is a sure way of never healing that part of yourself!

So when you are judged, first look within and see what was the motivation for your words and actions. Once you have examined every aspect, honestly and with integrity, make the changes you need to make so you can feel like you are the best you can be, which may include apologizing or making amends. After that, forget it and release all judgements forced upon you remembering that it's not yours to own!